Wednesday, September 23, 2009

hormones?

i dont know. i have been pretty emotional lately..then again i have been feeling worried and stress, maybe its too much for me to handle. as i was at gym working out, on the treadmill i felt this sense of worried take over. so i slowed down to a walk and as i walked...i started to get teary, of course i decided to talk with God and telling him what's been going on and how i am feeling, my concern, the usual, as i talked the more emotional i got, luckily i was staring at the wall but i didnt let my tear fall; but talking to him, i felt more at peace, i felt like all my worries had vanished for awhile. i realized that God is the only person i can count on and talk about my feelings. i am not one to talk about my feelings or show it for that matter. i usually put on this happy face because it was easier. i know its not healthy sometimes...but when you fake smile..it almost become real and i dont have to feel what i feel. i know a few people have told me i tend to shut people out, and that i never open up for them to get to know me because i have this wall up, that person mentions that i am probably afraid to let people in, in fear is being hurt after. after that person said that, i realized that its true, once someone is starting to get close to me, i push them away.


anyway... i just read "The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks and let me tell you, he never disappoints haha. i have read most of his books (planning on reading more) and i just love him! i cant wait for the movie. i hope its going to be as good as the book. but then again, i am sure it will be since he wrote the script way before he wrote the book haha. so i am hoping its going to be a good long movie. planing on getting the movie on dvd too :) anyway reading this book makes me want to go find myself a nice southern boy haha.

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