oh the headache :(

i have this horrible headache right now and i am not sure why. i think it may be the lack of sleep, it tends to happens when i am exhausted and lacking sleep. lately i have been reading a lot, 2 books in one month, about to finish the third. i need to buy more, i do not have anything else to read. i like reading, it takes my mind off things that i do not want to think about it deal with. it helps.

school.. not really for me. not the traditional way of learning that is. i cant stand sitting in a class and listening to lectures. i need hands on learning, its the only way i can learn. i feel this urge of panic when i think about school, i do not think that is normal. but then again it could be. i am still confuse on what i want to do in life. i wanted to go cosmetology; but not anymore. i wanted business, as much as i find it interesting after taking and intro to business, i dont know, it doesnt fit my personality. now i am thinking of doing photography and going into motion pictures; i do not know how that is going to turn out, going to film school is way to expensive. i dont know i am starting to want a career in publishing, trade publishing to be exact, maybe advertising? i dont know. i just hope i figure something out soon. i feel so lost and confuse what i am or should do. it's stressing me out and i am feeling overwhealmed and depressed thinking about my life and where i am not heading.

i have no idea what to do with my life. i sound so emo haha. so i turned down my second interview for the salon coordinator today, i hope i made the right decision and that i wont regret it later. as much as i would love to work as a salon coordinator if i got the job, its just too much work and i am afraid that i wont be able to keep up with school, and that i would end up failing. my philosophy class has a lot of readings and writing papers, i dont know if i cant handle that and work. i would be to exhausted and irritated all the time. i also have 2 online classes, which is easy to fall behind if you dont keep up. i dont know, when they asked why they should hire me, i couldnt think of anything to say, because i only submited my resume cause they were hiring, i had no idea they would offer me an interview, part of me wanted to work there, but my heart just was not in it. i did however apply to borders. borders on the other hand, i wanted to work it, it was my first choice, i love books and i love to read, what better place to work than a place i felt comfortable, and happy. i get excited going into barnes and nobles and borders, i knew that i would enjoy working at borders, share my passion of books with others.